Well I think this allegation is a little unfair, especially seeing as the entry was in fact about a dream I had. But maybe I was a little to harsh on clowns. After all, any organised society of people who invest in acting comical and (usually) belong to a highly obscure brotherhood like the shriners deserve a second chance.

So I did a little digging on the internet to find out the real history behind the art of clowing. It took me a while, but as I'm sure you'll agree, the facts speak for themselves.

In The Beginning

If we define clowning as a distincting artform, then it has been around for thousands of years. Naturally, China has the earliest traceable sources regarding clowing, or "Baiku Guan-Sang": Man who stumbles for honour. Clowns were portrayed more accurately as court jesters, but they were highly regarded by the emperor as facilitators of knowledge through the art of buffoonary. In 1332BC, Deng Ryu wrote "Highly regarded is the intelligent man who stumbles for honour. For if this man can portray knowledge through comedy then he or she is truly wise." The reference to both genders is interesting, since it is not commonly known that either sex could be a clown. In fact, one of the most famous of these stumbling clowns was Aig-San Tan, better known as "Lady Apple Body".

The legend is as follows: One day the emperor demanded that one thousand people should go out into the notorious badlands of Mongolia to find him a Chinese Desert Cat for a pet. Lady Apple Body was the emperor's favourite clown and she told him not to send the people out to face certain peril. When he demanded that she explain herself, she showed him through a series of stumbling movements and started to wail and shriek about the situation they would be placed in. Far from being moved by the Lady's representation of the people's plight, the emperor found it amusing and couldn't stop laughing. He then keeled forward and died, probably of a heart attack (he was 106 at the time). The people were able to return home, and a new emperor was elected. Sadly, Lady Apple Body did not fit in well with the new emperor and she was executed publicly six months later and hung from a bamboo tree as an example for future clowns.

Buffoons & Mimes

However, the actual evolution of the court jester into the clown we see today came relatively late. The first "modern" clown was an american gentleman called "Tibereus the Buffoon" in 1856. Unlike the painted, "red nose and wig" clowns of today, Tibereus was a decidedly sombre affair. He never smiled, and always wore a suit and top-hat, but the hat was usually badly broken and his nose had a dab of burnt cork applied to the tip. Tibereus claimed he was a millionaire, and was famous for drinking cheap rotgut and spending most of his act staggering around and impersonating a crippled lunatic. He was an immediate hit, and continued his act for 25 years before dying of liver failure. His head was preserved by an Austrian scientist who was a fan of his work, and recent tissue samples of his brain suggest he had been suffering from lifelong schizophrenia, then later in his life had developed Alzheimers.

The story of mime-art is similar. We are certain that in 1874, the first mime evolved in La Rochelle, an island of France. A young man called Claude LeDio was a vagrant, having been born without vocal chords. He tried to tell people of the despair he felt within his soul and one day had the idea of placing a disued cabbage crate in the centre of local town and trying to communicate with his townfolk through the use of hands. People were moved by his method of reaching out and he was given a place to stay. Sadly, his behaviour became more erratic, and he developed the habit of painting himself with whitewash paint as he performed his act each day at midday. Finally, the straw broke when he turned up one morning, stood on his box as usual, and performed completely naked and covered in whitewash. He had slashed the words "Vie est Mort" (Life is Death) on his chest with a potato peeler. He was declared insane by the townfolk and was publicly drowned. The local author Jean Figard wrote "It is a shame that a man who gave us so much, also gave us so little".

Ringing in the changes

And so, clowns became enormously popular as they entered the 20th Century. In the 1920s, Groucho Marx paid $2000 to import a pair of Auguste clowns from Berlin. They were an immediate hit, especially with their skills of handling elephants and performing tricks with other animals. The modern American clown, usually in whiteface with black paint around the eyes, became the de facto clown of the US. Among them was Yoyo, an avante guard clown who could think up any rhyme on the spot if given keywords by the audience. He was espcially loved by children and in 1952, he was given his own spot on the Fleschmann's Yeast Variety Hour Show. Yoyo died soon after, but he had given the nation a taste for clowing.

Those home-grown clowns

Clowning as a domestic treat for childrens parties took off in the 1960s. In Detroit, a small group of Shriners decided to raise money for a local children's school by holding a "hire-a-clown" day. Parents would pay $5 to have their children and friends amused by a shriner dressed in a clown outfit. The scheme raised $2000 in under a week and was a spectaular success (The New York Times even ran a lively correspondent entitled "Send out the clowns"). Unfortunately, one of the clowns was an aging shriner who was notoriously well known. Jack "The Slick" Edwards was a rabid republican who was indicted in a series of lynchings that had happened thirty years earlier. Agreeing to become a clown for a day, he consumed half a bottle of kentucky bourbon and was mistakenly dispatched to a childrens street party in a black neighbourhood. Witnesses found Jack arguing with an infuriated parent who accused him of turning up drunk and pistolwhipping one of the children (this was later verified in court). A fight broke out and Jack was shot by a group of Black Panthers who mistook him for the anti-christ due to his flamboyant harlequin costume and makeup.

Clowns gone bad

Despite this unfortunate setback, Domestic clowns were enourmously popular and were soon not only being copied across America, but also the whole world. The McDonalds clown is more recognised by children in the US and Canada than Santa Clause. In fact, up until the mid 90s, Clowns were seen as icons of innocent fun. Until the world of new rock changed their image forever.

Killer Klowns was the first form of counter-entertainment to clowns, although some people maintain that Stephen King's IT was the orgiinal attack on the wholesome image of clowning. It didn't matter. The fact was that while small children still loved clowns, Generation X teenagers found the image of clowns as murderers and worshippers of evil a more enjoyable theme. Soon, rock bands like Insane Clown Posse and him out of Slipknot started to erode the good image enjoyed by clowns. The Simpsons also portrayed their character Krusty as a bad-tempered, self-obsessed, greedy buffoon who found children irritating.

Conclusion

The Golden era of clowns draws to end, but will always be people out there who feel the need to be entertained by Clowns. For even Edgar Allen Poe wrote "The world needs a clown".

"Statistically speaking, clowns are still a lower liability to children than Catholic priests and British au pairs. In fact, the number of clowns who are brought up on charges of child molesting and drunkeness is only 9%. It is estimated that there are around 12,600 clowns worldwide (non-professional "hire" clowns, semi-professional "Shriner" clowns and professional "circus" clowns). That would mean that there would only be 1134 clowns that would pose a serious risk to children which is relatively low." - WhoPOLL 199